Incomplete
by Nanatsu Masurao
Summary: "I was supposed to love Namine, but I didn't. I don't. I loved you, Axel..."  AkuRoku  Drabble, shounen-ai, angsty two-shot. You got the warnings.
1. Chapter 1

Okay... this is just an AkuRoku drabble I thought up while I was playing Kingdom Hearts 365.5 days.

The title - for once - isn't a direct pun on the series and/or the name of a song I like; but the reason should be fairly obvious, anyway. Roxas and Axel are incomplete; but if that's true, why are they so close? Why does it seem like Axel really cares about Roxas? And why the hell is it that I think of them like normal people think of Kairi and Sora? I'm not usually this into yaoi pairings, but I still think they're cute and realistic as a couple.

This will be a two-shot, hopefully - one shot Roxas, the other shot Axel. Yes, it will be angsty. Deal with it. Kay? Shounen ai - no lemon, cuz I'm not good at that. So, it'll be T for Teen.

Kanpai!

-Nana

* * *

**Part One (Roxas)**

I don't understand you. I never have, but I suppose it's more applicable now, as I sit on the edge of this dock, trapped inside Sora's body.

You've always watched over me, like I couldn't take care of myself. Well, I suppose it's only natural; I was the youngest member in Organization XIII. But... I had the keyblade. I had enough power to take care of myself - hell, I had enough power to destroy the Organization, if I had to. I didn't _need _to be your "friend." I didn't _need _your help, even if you wanted to give it to me.

I could have pushed you away, as I had pushed the others away many times before.

But something told me to stay with you. A voice... or maybe a feeling. I can't be sure anymore. All I knew was that I was drawn to your bright, red hair, and to that emotionless laugh that some mistook as being "happy." I was drawn to your reckless nature.

I was drawn to _you_.

But... it couldn't have been _love_. Love's an _emotion _- something a Nobody doesn't have, something we _can't _have. It's a fact_. _Could it be that I was reaching out to you because you reminded me of someone from my past - the past I couldn't even remember, the past no one wanted me to remember? Could it be that I longed for you only in a physical sense? I'm not sure. All I know is that I would have betrayed the Organization for you, even if you wouldn't do the same for me.

I shudder as my host licks his Popsicle, trying to erase those memories from my mind. I never liked Sea-Salt Ice Cream - I always detested the bitter aftertaste it left behind. But... I couldn't bring myself to stop eating it. You bought it for me every time we managed to meet outside of the Organization. I ate it because it was impolite to refuse a gift.

Then, when I became "normal," I started buying it myself.

I think... I did it because I remembered you. Even back then. I_ remembered _you - I didn't just _recognize _you_. _I know now that there's a difference. Everything I was called out to you. Even now, I still call out to you. Every time I taste that revolting ice cream, I find myself wondering what would have been... if I'd have told you. I would have been rejected, almost definitely - maybe even laughed at. What kind of a Nobody can love? Hell, why could I love? Why _did _I love? None of it was rational - and that was what we were, right? The rational side of our former selves? A mind without a heart?

Now you're dead. And I'm stuck with half a heart and the memories of someone I barely even know.

I was supposed to love Namine. But I didn't. I _don't_. Even now, the idea of being with her... _romantically_... sends disgusted shudders up and down my spine. I wanted to be with _you_, to make love to you, to see you cry out in ecstasy when... well, you get the idea. But if I had told you this, what would you have done? Thrown a fuck my way? Would you have ruffled my hair with your fingers and told me that I was "too innocent" to want those kinds of things? Either way, I would have felt disgusted with myself. I still do. I fell in love with a _guy _- a guy who wasn't gay, who could never reciprocate my feelings even if he _was _gay. A guy who was sleeping with _Larxene_, for God's sake. My survival depended upon me doing my job and keeping the peace between our members, and falling into reciprocated love with you wasn't part of the plan. Eventually, I decided to run away and look for the memories I had lost when I became a Nobody.

Then I became trapped in Twilight Town and lost what few memories I had. Again.

I found Pence, Olette and Hayner while I was in Twilight Town, although I'm pretty sure they didn't really exist. I... cared about them. I enjoyed our time together. We were normal. I was happy... for a little while.

And then, I saw you again.

"Come back to the Organization," you said as you held your gloved hand out, obviously waiting for me to grab it and go back with you. I felt... something pushing at the back of my mind, a bittersweet feeling that I couldn't quite name. I felt myself _wanting _to reach out to you, knowing that if I did, I'd be leaving behind everything I knew back in Twilight Town. But... I didn't know you. It was crazy to go off with a stranger - and even if that girl, Namine, was right, I didn't know you. It didn't compute. Now I wonder what would have happened had I done what I'd wanted to do, instead of staying in Twilight Town like Namine told me to.

I can't blame her - she only did what was necessary to save Sora, and ultimately Kingdom Hearts - but I want to. I want to blame her so badly I could scream, and I think she knows that. If she hadn't taken Sora's memories apart... I wonder, would you still be alive? Would I still be in love with you? Would I even _exist_? I don't want to die, but I would rather do that than have to live with the fact that my existence indirectly caused your death. You were so vibrant, even without a heart.

I love you, Axel. I've never admitted it - and probably never will - but I do, and I believe I always will. I just... wonder whether or not we'll meet again.

Who knows?

* * *

**Okay, there you have it - Roxas vagging out on us. Well, okay, he's sort of emo anyway, but still - I hope I haven't gotten him totally out of character. (I'm working from Kingdom Hearts 358.5 Days, not Kingdom Hearts II - because technically, Roxas only existed in that timeline.) Next up, it's Axel - the guy without a heart, who somehow ends up falling in love with Roxas anyway. (Because let's face it - his last lines were total Yaoi-Fangirl-Fodder.) And yes, he's going to be funny in this.**

**3,**

**Erin.**


	2. Chapter 2

Part Two of the AkuRoku experience!

Okay, so this may spawn out into a multi-chap future-fic, but okay, I can deal with that. The pairing is just too cute. I love AkuRoku, and I think I always will... plus, they're excellent fan-fic fodder, as I've stated before. I love writing about them - and I'm hoping I'll get Ax's feelings right.

Well, anyway.

Love,

Nana.

* * *

**Part Two:**

I felt like someone took a knife to my chest when you left, Roxas. I know - it sounds lame, right? How could I feel anything? I wasn't capable of emotion. And neither were you - you left almost without a word to anyone; your last words to me were "No one would miss me."

No one did miss you... but me.

I tried to pretend like I didn't even notice you were gone. What bothered me was that I did; we all know what we are. You, Roxas, were the only one who could feel anything, and that was because you couldn't remember your past life. I didn't grieve for Xion when she died, so why did I grieve for you when you weren't even dead? Why did I want you close to me, even when I knew you had better reasons for leaving than any of us? What was it that made me want to grab you and force you back into the Organization?

It didn't make sense.

I remember buying ice cream when you left. I bought it for you all the time - remember? We'd eat it on the roof, watch the sun set, and talk about whatever was interesting at the time. I bragged a lot about Larxene - honestly, I was only sleeping with her because it felt good at the time. Who'd have any emotional connection with that stupid bitch? And besides, it wasn't like you were interested, and I wasn't going to ask _you_. That would be too weird - you and I were friends. Friends didn't sleep with each other and still remain friends.

I protected our friendship in the same way I tried to protect you.

It's strange; I kept trying to protect you, despite the fact that you were obviously more powerful than me - despite the fact that I couldn't protect you from something that you couldn't defeat. Then, you ran away. I went looking for you. Eventually, I found you in Twilight Town. I tried to get you to come back with me, certain that you would, that everything would be okay again.

You didn't.

Now I know that you didn't remember me; but it felt like a rejection back then. You wouldn't go back with me, even though we both knew you were going to die if you didn't. The Organization had already found you; it was only a matter of time. I wanted to save you from them.

But most of all, I wanted you to come back to me.

I didn't know what this was. I'd never felt such intense emotions in my life, even when I was Lea. How was this possible? Had you inspired this? Did you and Xion change me because of what you were? I didn't know; but I felt like more of a Nobody once you left. I didn't even think about Xion. I couldn't. How weird was that?

Eventually, I couldn't stand it anymore. I kidnapped Kairi, trying to lure him back to me... trying to lure _you _back to me. And sure enough, he chased me until he finally got cornered by a bunch of Nobodies. I thought I could finally take him back to you; I thought I could save you, let you become whole again.

Then, he asked me where she was, instead of asking if we'd met before. I felt myself shatter.

It made sense - he loved Kairi. He'd chased after her for thousands of miles, looking for a way to find her, make her whole again; you found a part of her when you met Namine. So, didn't that mean that you were supposed to fall in love with Namine? Weren't you _already _in love with Namine? You listened to her instead of going with me; you followed her commands implicitly, right until Sora replaced you. So, once Namine went back to Kairi... I wondered if you'd even want to be near me. I wondered if I would have disgusted you.

I disgusted myself.

I won't deny that his question hurt me. I thought... I knew, by then, that I'd somehow fallen in love with you, despite the fact that I didn't have a heart. You made me feel whole again. I wasn't incomplete when I was with you - we were two parts of the same being, a machine that fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. But... when I looked into Sora's eyes, I realized that you wouldn't need me once you returned to him. You only needed me while you were incomplete.

I wanted to stop him, to kill him where he stood; but I knew what it was like to have a heart. I knew I couldn't let die. I knew you needed your heart more than I needed you.

And now, as I stare up at this tumultuous, multi-colored sky, I find myself wishing you could be here to see it with me. I wonder where you are... and if Sora will find you. And I feel like even the dissipating ashes of my body seem to say those four tiny, insignificant words I couldn't bring myself to say while I was alive.

"I love you, Roxas."

And somehow, I don't feel so incomplete anymore.


End file.
